Ok, Goo, check this out. When I moved to GA after I graduated from Hampton, I had my own apartment, vehicle, all bills paid, a kitchen full of food and a DVR full of my favorite TV shows. But, I worked so much that I did not have time to meet new people. I was new to GA and I wanted to explore what was available to me. So, I made a Plenty of Fish account. Now, if you do not know what Plenty of Fish is, it is basically an online “sex me” site catfishing as an online dating site. I did not know this at the time and thought I could go online and just meet some guys who would like to hang out. Because, let’s be real, having a guy take you out for no reason other than to have fun, is a lovely thing. And it is not fictional, they are out there… just not on POF 😒.
So, I got approached by plenty of guys and here is my advice to you for whenever a guy approaches you the wrong way; ignore, ignore, ignore! Here are a few of my initial POF messages that received my wonderful ignore treatment:
“Yo was good… Wanted to tell you I like what I see… Definitely think I’m worth your time.”
“Whats gud ma. I just had to let you know, you are fine as hell”
“Good morning. My name is _. I was wondering if maybe I can come chill with you sometime.”
Now, if these messages do not seem like a big deal to you, then please stop talking to people until they do.
Number one, you have a name. Anytime a person addresses you, and you are not in a relationship with them, they should call you by your name. Know your value. Ruth’s Chris will always be called Ruth’s Chris. McDonald’s is Mickey D’s, that Burger Spot, the Bad Place (for us who refuse to eat there). At the end of the day, whether he or she means well is not to be determined. Do not entertain conversatuions that do not interest the better you.
Number two, when someone’s first statement to you is how “fine” you look; ignore. Do not reply with, “no im not”, “oh really?” or even “what would make you say that to me.” Do not indulge. Because, even by indulging a little bit, this person will either say what needs to be said to keep conversing with you or give the childish response of “fuck off”. Here is the thing, when you make an online dating profile, in your bio, you have stated some interesting things about yourself. My bio reads:
“ “Make Love To My Mind”
By all means, I am no prude but, if you are going to bring up sex or hint at the topic of sex and we have not even had several dates, please don’t waste my time. Yes my title is “make love to my mind”, but if you don’t understand what that means, there is no amount of explaining that I could ever do to help you understand.
With that being said…
I would love to meet a gentleman. Someone with interests in the arts, science, nature and culinary worlds. One who can hold an intelligent conversation and debate without getting hot headed. I take pleasure in excellent conversation and peaceful surroundings.”
Now after reading this and you still approach me the wrong way, there is no need for a reply. When someone approaches you with “beautiful” or “pretty lady”, they are addressing your outer appearance. Not attempting to peak the interest of the inner you. And they would know how to do such if they had read your profile. They are talking to you as if you are an other (That is what I refer to Basic Chicks; the Others). And you are a Queen. If you were to lower your head to address the randoms, your crown would fall off. So, no; keep it moving.
Number three. There is no such thing as chilling. What is that? No, you can not come to my house. No, I do not want to go to your house. Anything we can do at your house, we can do at mine. And the point of meeting someone is to get OUT of the house! So how does that make sene? It does not. I have had guys say, “I feel like I’ve known you forever. Can I just order a pizza and come over and we just watch movies and hang out?” NO! Because, sir, you have not known me forever, I just met you online today! And also, I order pizza and watch movies almost every other day of the week (I have a pizza fetish)! So why would I invite you over to do that? Always ask to be taken out. And when he says, where do you want to go, reply with, “You pick a place, but I want to do something.” And do not accept, I don’t know as an answer. We live on planet Earth. There are over 20 million activities to participate in. But, let’s narrow it down to the United States. Here, I will narrow it down some more; the state we live in. More specifically, our surrounding cities! Pull out the groupon app and take me somewhere where we both can do something and have fun doing it!
See, here is the most important thing that people need to understand about dating. Both parties have shown up a little bit nervous because they do not know what the night is going to bring. They are dressed up and putting on their best performance so as not to scare the other one off. By going to do something such as Top Golf or participating in a Paint and Sip or even go karting, you have allowed the walls to fall a little bit. Conversations are more easily ignited, the night is full of smiling and laughing and you got to have a night of fun with someone who is not a family member or a close friend. That right there is enough to have a person excited for date number two. That is why I also live by the rule, dinner and a movie is NOT a date. Dinner and a movie is only considered a date for someone who needs a chaperone. There are too many things in this world that we can be a part of that we do not have to settle for sitting in close proximity in a dark room for two hours. Personally, I think it is pointless. Come on, let’s think about it; what are we going to talk about on a date at the movies?! Please tell me how the hell we are going to get to know each other. Because, if we are at the movies and you try to speak to me, I am going to tell you to shut up so I can pay attention!(Excuse my rant)
At the end of the day, know your worth. Know what you are worthy of. You are beyond hooking up. You are not someone who allows any random to come to your castle! Did you know that right now there are 7 billion people living in this world? Come on now, 7 billion people?! I bet there is somebody out there right now that is waiting to treat you like the royalty that you are. You have standards and no matter how much society tries to make it seem like if you have too high of standards, you will not find a good man, keep those standards! You are not supposed to be finding or looking for a significant other anyway. That is my goal with this blog. To teach you that being single is ok. Meeting new people and going on dates without any intent of pursuing a relationship is ok! People think that I am weird because I have been single for four years. But, If you hop from relationship to relationship, always looking for someone to be with you, I find that weird. If you do not want to date you, why would anyone else want to? And at the end of it all, when you meet someone who actually makes you want to get in a relationship, makes you want to stop having fun as a single person; that is how you will know he is the one. I will never give up hope for the chance to find love but, until then, I give zero…. (searching for a g- rated word) cares about being single. There are chicks out here unhappy and in a relationship, getting their hind parts whooped and disrespected on a daily basis just to say they have a man. Child, please! I love myself too much to know that I am royalty and you are royalty and we deserve Kings that will compliment the kingdom!
View my previous posts:
- How to Be Single: A Single Woman’s Guide to Getting Over the Past and Starting Your Future
- How to Be Single: Grieve the Past