Fat Be Gone Tour: The Final Performance (Day 2)

DAY 2

“A strong positive attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” ~Patricia Neal

Song by Zaiah Burke

Day 2 of the Fat Be Gone Tour was the best and worst day.  My abs were still sore from the previous days workouts but I had to push through.  I mean, I have 138 more days to go.

It was the best day because on Day 1, I had to do squats.  And Candice told me to make sure my legs touch the bench.  That is how I would know if I was low enough.  The first day, I couldn’t touch the bench.  But on Day 2, I touched the bench every time!  Every exercise she gave me, I pushed through!  I was ELATED!

It was the worst day when I lay down on the mat, Candice stood on my feet, held her hands out and told me to sit up until I could touch them. And I couldn’t!  And you may be thinking, “baby steps, Zion.  Baby steps.”  But, never in my life have I not been able to do a sit up.  Never have I not been able to do a crunch.  And what makes it so sad; it wasn’t like I couldn’t do it because I was in pain.  It wasn’t like my back was hurting or I was in some uncomfortable position.  Nope.  My body physically could not get off of the floor to touch her fingertips.  And even when I was pushing through the other exercises, I had my eyes closed.  And when I opened them, tears were falling.  Am I crying?  Yes.  I didn’t even realize it.  Hadnt even noticed until I was wiping tears away.

But that’s even more motivation.  Day 3 will be better.  Day 3, I’ll touch the bench, I wont cry through the motions and I’ll touch the fingers.  Fingers crossed for Day 3!

 

To keep up with The Fat Be Gone Tour from the beginning click below:

Fat Be Gone Tour: The Final Performance

So… I Think My Dog May Be Gay

 

So, am I the only one that finds this weird? My rottie is 7 months. And judging from the way he’s acting, I think he’s a 13 year old in human years. So, lately, Tyson has been humping on this other male pit bull. But ONLY this one other male dog. And they lick each other in the mouths. Now, I’m an open individual, so I try not to say too much. But, when this other dog is humping on Tyson, he likes to give me that look. That, “yea, I’m man handling yo son” look. And I’m like, “oh heeeeeeeell, naw!” So I’ll run to the window and yell, “hey! Get off my dog!” And give him the death stare.

At night, all night long, Tyson is licking himself and groaning. We sleep in the same room. I’m just staring at the ceiling, single and lonely and my 7 month dog is on the floor taking himself to new levels. Sometimes I say, “you’re not alone” and he’ll stop for two seconds. But that’s all it is; seconds! I need advice. What should I do? Do I sit him down and have the talk with him? Do I go find him a girl dog to hump on? Is he at the age where he needs his own room so he can lick himself in private? Should I walk him at the gay pride parades this summer? I’ll clearly have to bring his aggressive boyfriend. I just don’t know

Signed, An Overwhelmed Dog Mom

Ladies, Don’t You Hate it When…

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Ladies have you ever experienced this?  (And men, feel free to read so you NEVER put a lady through this BULL)  So, I like to hang out with dudes a lot.  That’s just part of being a tom boy.  And all day they’re going through their phone and showing me text messages of all of these different females blowing them up.  And it makes a bitch curious!  Cause I wanna know why the hell these mu fuckas chasing you like this.  And the niggas start talking about how they laying the pipe.  This position.  That position.  And all I’m thinking is, I gots to try this shit.  So, what do I do?  I let the shit be known.  “My dude, we fuckin!”  Just like that.  I’ve already made it up in my mind.  Shit is going down.

And the night comes and I’m all excited cause I know this mo fo ’bout to blow this pussy out.  The way he got the girls chasing and crying behind him; we aint gone be friends no mo after this.  I’m excited to lose this mu fucka as a friend.  I bend over, drop my head and wait for this nigga to slide in slow and what?!  WHAT?!  This nigga got a small ass dick.  Now, how the hell are you gone enjoy my tightness if you cant even feel my walls.  Makes no sense!  Now, we really can’t be friends because you lied to me and I don’t like liars.  You said you were going to rock my world.  I was going to CRY; it was gone feel so good.  You said there was a chance I could get pregnant.  HOW?!  I had to look back at dude and say, me“Sir!  Are you ok?  Do you need help finding where you need to be?”  And he gone laugh and say, “You always got jokes.”  JOKES?!  So, you serious?!  That’s when I get the fuck up because, what you not gone do is be sweating all over me for the next 30 minutes to an hour.  That’s how you get ring worm.  “Naw my G.  Put your clothes on.  We need to have a forum about how you fucked up.”

That’s false advertisement.  Like, I should sue!  Ya’ll mufkins just don’t get it.  I have to have a whole debate aprep timebout whether I’m going to do this or not.  And when I do decide to give you this sweet pwussy, there’s a whole process I go through.  I have to Nair everything from my nose to my toes.  That takes about a good 30 minutes to an hour.  Then I have to exfoliate, do my hair and make up, so you know you about to get a show cause im gone perform for that ass!  Then after I get myself all worked up, I find out you aint worth the trouble.  Damn!  Damn!  Damn! damn You owe me gas money and an apology.  And just so you don’t think youre getting nothing out of this, im gone tell you how you fucked up so you wont do it to the next girl.  Cause it is disheartening when you been thinking about getting yo back broke for the past few days and you gotta walk to your car in a straight line.  So, you know what that means?  Now, I gotta call the only man who can fix this shit.  A no good summa a bitch who don’t give a fuck about me but, he fucks me good.  That’s the one that comes in my life like a bull in a china shop.  But he fuck this pussy the same way.  Now, you have brought chaos to my life cause its gone take forever for me to get rid of this motha fucka again!

good sex- aint shit

 

 

 

How to Be Single: Date Yourself

 

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Date yourself“; a term commonly misunderstood.  When heard, people assume it means staying at home, eating popcorn and drinking red wine like a sad Olivia Pope in an oversized sweater.  But dating yourself means discovering what does and does not interest you.

I was not living in Georgia long before I had to move back to Virginia.  And I tell you, driving through the HRBT and not having anything exciting to do is very depressing.  And if Hell is a rendition of what you make it; Virginia is hell.  But, I thought to myself, I may think that there is nothing to do in Virginia, but, I have not tried everything Virginia has to offer.  There are places that I enjoy going; Waffle House, IHop and Cinema Café.  But, when the average person is driving to his or her destination, they do not take in the scenery that is in between point A and point B.  So, I began to look out of my window more and I discovered Monsoon, a modern Indian restaurant in Hampton.  I had never had Indian food before but, my God it was good.  I enjoyed Papas Greek on Kemps River Dr and it was amazing.  Instead of going to Cinema Café up the street from my house, I go to Cinebistro in Hampton or Paragon in Newport News.

After I dated myself for a while, I began to encourage my friends to go out to the places I like to go.  At first tMcDonald'shey were reluctant because, some places look expensive.  Other places actually were expensive.  But at the end of the day, I explained to them, if you go somewhere and order extra appetizers and alcoholic beverages, it comes to the same price of a meal at one of these restaurants.  Let’s not be an Other.  While a 2 for $20 is affordable, the experience from a slightly more expensive restaurant is worth the cost.  Now, we no longer eat fast food.  For us, fast food is Applebees, Red Lobster or Olive Garden.  Any place that is a franchise where they do not accept reservations is considered fast food for us.  These are places we hardly visit.

I had never played golf but, I do enjoy hitting a few balls at Top Golf in Virginia Beach.  On the weekends I like to take my Rottweiler, Tyson, to the beach and let him run in the sand.  If I have nothing to do, I will go on Groupon and look up something interesting to do.  (And let me tell you, there is not much to do in VA besides eat so… yeah, that has been confirmed.)

Spoil yourselfThese are all things I do by myself.  I pick a date and time, make sure I look presentable, so as to impress my date (Myself) and then I go out.  It is important when dating yourself, to always try to impress your date.  You live with yourself.  You see yourself naked, messy bun, no make up on all day long.  At least once a week, you should see yourself wearing something that is a little too formal for work.  Just the other day, Myself and I went to Zino’s in Deep Creek after church.  After my date checked her account, I was given the go ahead to order whatever I wanted off of the menu.  I ate (and it twas good), I drank, Myself paid and we left.  And it felt good to go get some good food with my favorite person in the world.  We were just driving down the street and I saw the Zino’s sign.  I said, “hey, I want to try that place.”  So I pulled over and went in.  No argument about, what if the food isn’t goodWe don’t know how much it costs; nothing like that.

I have been a tom boy all of my life.  While dating Myself, she likes to take me shopping for things that she likes to seebubble bath me in.  I like super hero underwear and lazy bras.  Myself, on the other hand, likes panties with lace.  She bought me my first thong and matching bra and panty set.  I have never cared about what my underwear look like but, Myself likes to see me in cute things when I am in the house.  I even started taking baths again.  The last time I took a bath, I was in middle school, pretending I was in a swimming pool.  But, I started again and, just like back in middle school, I always fall asleep in the tub.  But, my God, it is relaxing!

Also, while dating myself I have realized the kind of people I am no longer attracted to.  Before I became single, I was demons for angels1attracted to the rough neck type.  And I know guys do not seem to understand why girls like thugs but, here it is in a nutshell; it is not that we like thugs so much.  It is that we want to feel protected.  We want a guy who is not scared of a fight, who will defend our honor and also keep us in check a little bit.  Most of us are independent and high strung.  We have called the shots for so long, it is nice to meet a guy who we can not walk all over.  Who will take charge and say, “hey girl!  We gone do this this way!  And that’s all there is to it.”  That is a turn on.  But a lot of good guys, usually raised by their mother, are “yes, hunny”, “I’m sorry”, “you’re right”, “whatever you want” type guys.  Guys who think standing up for their woman could risk them getting into a fight.  And God forbid something should happen to their face or their clothes.

But, I digress.  Like I was saying; before I was single, I was attracted to rough necks.  But, I also was attracted to intelligent guys who had ambition.  I wanted a hood guy who had dreams of running his own company (and also was in the process of pursuing these dreams) and treated me like a princess.  Problem was, I kept meeting these guys while they were still in the hood with dreams.  Not while they were actively pursuing the dreams.  After dating myself, I realized I want someone who is on a higher level than me.  Someone who can pour knowledge into me and help to make me a better person.  I do not live in the hood.  I have a decent car with all the headlights and all of the parts match.  I have a good paying job and a degree.  relationship statusFor me to get with someone without ambition, who only smokes marijuana all day, is several steps down for me.

While dating myself, I used to get approached by the guys who I was formerly attracted to and I was turned all of the hitmanway off.  I used to not care whether a guy sagged or not.  I mean, that’s ya business.  But then, I was getting dressed one day and I thought, “yea, I get dressed for Myself but, I also get dressed to attract what I want.”  So if you get dressed and then pull your pants down, what are you attracting?  Not my hind parts!  Once I started changing what I was attracted to, how I dressed and carried myself, a different type of man began to approach me.  Men who had secure careers and not unstable jobs!  Guys who I was not embarrassed to bring around my family and friends.  That is when I realized that I do not want a rough neck.  I just want someone to protect me like Jason Stathom or Hitman!  Neither one of them are thugs but, I know if someone was to assault me, I would be taken care of.

Although, I am not in a relationship at the moment, or currently talking to someone with the intent of a relationship, I am not lonely.  My friends and I like to have fun on a regular basis.  I have already grieved the past and now I am living my life.  As long as I can put gas in my car, I drive wherever I want to go.  And I’ll spoil Myself and buy her whatever she wants.  Because she deserves it!be comfortable alone

View my previous posts:

  1. How to Be Single: A Single Woman’s Guide to Getting Over the Past and Starting Your Future
  2. How to Be Single: Grieve the Past
  3. How to Be Single: Recognize Your Worth

 

 

How to Be Single: Recognize Your Worth

Ok, Goo, check this out. When I moved to GA after I graduated from Hampton, I had my own apartment, vehicle, all bills paid, a kitchen full of food and a DVR full of my favorite TV shows.  But, I worked so much that I did not have time to meet new people.  I was new to GA and I wanted to explore what was available to me.  So, I made a Plenty of Fish account.  Now, if you do not know what Plenty of Fish is, it is basically an online “sex me” site catfishing as an online dating site.  I did not know this at the time and thought I could go online and just meet some guys who would like to hang out.  Because, let’s be real, having a guy take you out for no reason other than to have fun, is a lovely thing.  And it is not fictional, they are out there… just not on POF 😒.

So, I got approached by plenty of guys and here is my advice to you for whenever a guy approaches you the wrong way; ignore, ignore, ignore!  Here are a few of my initial POF messages that received my wonderful ignore treatment:

“Hey, sexy!”

“Pull up”

“😍”

“Yo was good… Wanted to tell you I like what I see… Definitely think I’m worth your time.”

“Whats gud ma. I just had to let you know, you are fine as hell”

“Good morning. My name is _.  I was wondering if maybe I can come chill with you sometime.”

Now, if these messages do not seem like a big deal to you, then please stop talking to people until they do.

Number one, you have a name.  Anytime a person addresses you, and you are not in a relationship with them, they should call you by your name.  Know your value.  Ruth’s Chris will always be called Ruth’s Chris.  McDonald’s is Mickey D’s, that Burger Spot, the Bad Place (for us who refuse to eat there).  At the end of the day, whether he or she means well is not to be determined.  Do not entertain conversatuions that do not interest the better you.

Number two, when someone’s first statement to you is how “fine” you look; ignore. Do not reply with, “no im not”, “oh really?” or even “what would make you say that to me.”  Do not indulge.  Because, even by indulging a little bit, this person will either say what needs to be said to keep conversing with you or give the childish response of “fuck off”.  Here is the thing, when you make an online dating profile, in your bio, you have stated some interesting things about yourself.  My bio reads:

“Make Love To My Mind”

By all means, I am no prude but, if you are going to bring up sex or hint at the topic of sex and we have not even had several dates, please don’t waste my time. Yes my title is “make love to my mind”, but if you don’t understand what that means, there is no amount of explaining that I could ever do to help you understand.

With that being said…

I would love to meet a gentleman. Someone with interests in the arts, science, nature and culinary worlds.  One who can hold an intelligent conversation and debate without getting hot headed.  I take pleasure in excellent conversation and peaceful surroundings.”

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Now after reading this and you still approach me the wrong way, there is no need for a reply. When someone approaches you with “beautiful” or “pretty lady”, they are addressing your outer appearance. Not attempting to peak the interest of the inner you.  And they would know how to do such if they had read your profile.  Theyimage1 are talking to you as if you are an other (That is what I refer to Basic Chicks; the Others).  And you are a Queen.  If you were to lower your head to address the randoms, your crown would fall off.  So, no; keep it moving.

Number three. There is no such thing as chilling.  What is that?  No, you can not come to my house.  No, I do not want to go to your house.  Anything we can do at your house, we can do at mine.  And the point of meeting someone is to get OUT of the house!  So how does that make sene?  It does not.  I have had guys say, “I feel like I’ve known you forever.  Can I just order a pizza and come over and we just watch movies and hang out?”  NO!  Because, sir, you have not known me forever, I just met you online today!  And also, I order pizza and watch movies almost every other day of theimage3 week (I have a pizza fetish)!  So why would I invite you over to do that?  Always ask to be taken out.  And when he says, where do you want to go, reply with, “You pick a place, but I want to do something.”  And do not accept, I don’t know as an answer.  We live on planet Earth.  There are over 20 million activities to participate in.  But, let’s narrow it down to the United States.  Here, I will narrow it down some more; the state we live in.  More specifically, our surrounding cities!  Pull out the groupon app and take me somewhere where we both can do something and have fun doing it!

See, here is the most important thing that people need to understand about dating. Both parties have shown up a little bit nervous because they do not know what the night is going to bring.  They are dressed up and putting on their best performance so as not to scare the other one off.  By going to do something such as Top Golf or participating in a Paint and Sip or even go karting, you have allowed the walls to fall a little bit.  Conversations are more easily ignited, the night is full of smiling and laughing and you got to have a night of fun with someone who is not a family member or a close friend.  That right there is enough to have a person excited for date number two.  That is why I also live by the rule, dinner and a movie is NOT a date.  Dinner and a movie is only considered a date for someone who needs a chaperone.  There are too many things in this world that we can be a part of that we do not have to settle for sitting in close proximity in a dark room for two hours.  Personally, I think it is pointless.  Come on, let’s think about it; what are we going to talk about on a date at the movies?!  Please tell me how the hell we are going to get to know each other.  Because, if we are at the movies and you try to speak to me, I am going to tell you to shut up so I can pay attention!(Excuse my rant)

At the end of the day, know your worth. Know what you are worthy of.  You are beyond hooking up.  You are not someone who allows any random to come to your castle!  Did you know that right now there are 7 billion people living in this world?  Come on now, 7 billion people?!  I bet there is somebody out there right now that is waiting to treat you like the royalty that you are.  You have standards and no matter how much society tries to make it seem like if you have too high of standards, you will not find a good man, keep those standards!  You are not supposed to be finding or looking for a significant other anyway.  That is my goal with this blog.  To teach you that being single is ok.  Meeting new people and going on dates without any intent of pursuing a relationship is ok!  People think that I am weird because I have been single for four years.  But, If you hop from relationship to relationship, always looking for someone to be with you, I find that weird.  If you do not want to date you, why would anyone else want to?  And at the end of it all, when you meet someone who actually makes you want to get in a relationship, makes you want to stop having fun as a single person; that is how you will know he is the one.  I will never give up hope for the chance to find love but, until then, I give zero…. (searching for a g- rated word) cares about being single.  There are chicks out here unhappy and in a relationship, getting their hind parts whooped and disrespected on a daily basis just to say they have a man.  Child, please!  I love myself too much to know that I am royalty and you are royalty and we deserve Kings that will compliment the kingdom!

 

View my previous posts:

  1. How to Be Single: A Single Woman’s Guide to Getting Over the Past and Starting Your Future
  2. How to Be Single: Grieve the Past