January 9, 2018 Zion the Novelist

Fat Be Gone Tour: The Final Performance (Who Are You Doing This For?)

Day 7 of Being Healthy/ Day 5 of the Fast

“Everyone faces defeat. It may be a stepping-stone or a stumbling block, depending on the mental attitude with which it is faced.” ~Napoleon Hill

Today is Monday.  Friday, I was ready to give up.  That was going to be my blog on Friday.  “Fuck this shit.  Stay tuned for next year’s tour dates.”  But, how many times do you have to be defeated before you finally say enough is enough?  I was looking through some pictures of me from February 2017; when I first met my boyfriend.  And I remember telling him before we met in person, “I’m so fat.  I’ve never been this big before.”  Which was true at the time.  But, now, I’m bigger than that!  And enough is enough.  Although I do not want children at this time, if I were to become pregnant, I would gain so much weight and then I’d be bigger than this.  Bigger than this would be over 300 pounds!  No, No, No!  Women shouldn’t be 300 pounds (in my opinion).  If you’re a sexy, comfortable 300, do you.  But, me, I can’t live that life.

But, today at SEVEN O’ CLOCK IN THE MORNING, I was working out and Candice said, “you have to do this for yourself, Allante.  You can’t do it for anyone else but you.”  And that’s when I asked myself, am I doing this for me?  And the answer was, no.  Like plenty of women, I have started to feel insecure in my relationship.  As normal relationships go, you two get comfortable with each other and your daily routine.  And I had gotten to the point where I was questioning whether my boyfriend liked me or not.  Does he love me?  He damn sure does.  Does he like me?….  I don’t know.  And something I’ve always said, the best part about being plus size when you meet a man is, he falls in love with you as a big girl, the relationship gets kind of funky so, you lose weight and he falls in love again.  If you get pregnant and gain weight, you’re right back to the woman he fell in love with.  So, that’s the plus side to being plus sized. LOL.  But, if I am trying to lose weight to repair my relationship of ONE YEAR, then what will happen if we break up?  Do I gain the weight back?

Next month, my friend, Ashley is getting married and Chef Boyfriend and I will be attending.  I haven’t attended a formal event in a very long time.  And I’ve never attended one with a date.  Hell, this is my first boyfriend in 6 years!  So, do you think I’m going to show up with my stomach knocking against my thighs and my butt looking like I’m toting UPS packages?  No!  Not an option.

March, I’m going to visit my dad who I haven’t seen since August.  I’ve gained weight since that meeting so, I know I have to be AT LEAST the size that he last saw me.

And all of these may seem like nothing to you but in all actuality, that’s wrong.  You, I- we cant do this for anyone but ourselves.  If Chef Boyfriend isn’t happy in our relationship because of my physical appearance, then that’s his business.  Move on!  I was single for five years.  Am I now so desperate to be with a man that I would change myself only to appease him?  No!  And you shouldn’t be either.  I can’t lose weight for someone else’s wedding or to get envious looks from party patrons because, what if, god forbid, the wedding gets called off.  Then what?  Give up?  Not an option.  And I have been trying to lose weight for my father for as long as I can remember.  And the proof is in the pudding.  That never worked.

So, I encourage you today, if you’re going to make a life change.  Do it for yourself and nobody else!  Do ya’ll know that today I did FORTY pushups?  FORTY!!  And they weren’t lil’ girl pushups either.  I almost died but, nobody can feel more enthused about that than me.  I cant even count how many times I turned down sugar and starches.  Proud is an understatement.  #WeGotThis

Chef Boyfriend made me some banana ice cream for the fast!  We put 4 bananas in the freezer (make sure you cut them up first.  I put the whole bananas in the freezer with the peel on and I had to do a lot more work).  In the blender, we put about 1/4 cup of cold milk, some cinnamon and my bananas.  Just blend until smooth and enjoy!  Also holds well in the freezer.

Chef Boyfriend made me a couple of frittata’s. #breakfastinbed

 

* I included a video and pics of some dishes that Chef Boyfriend prepares to help me through my fast.  Hopefully, they’ll help you because if you’re anything like me, I am so lost when it comes to cooking healthy!